I know geometry merge doesn't work of course, that's why it's called "geometry" and not "surface" merge.
And yes, I know a solution for this would be UV mapping editing, but that's like the hardest thing to do in the whole VRED suite of tools, and there is no place or guide on the whole internet for learning how to properly master the UV editor, so you are left alone dealing with it by yourself, somehow.
Despite this, I didn't give up immediately, so I searched on YouTube for anything similar to what I had to do, I followed this guide (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ascgNQa5QNU) step by step, but nothing... I ended up with my UV map completely deformed. I don't know how to tell VRED I want to keep a square UV map, just merging the 6 pieces into one.
Apply decals on perfectly cylindrical objects is a very common task, can't believe it's so hard to do with this software... And you can't use planar texture, because it completely deforms on a curved surface, and it gets totally out of shape beyond the 180°, so if you look at your object from the opposite side from the one you are projecting, you see it's quite a messy job.