I do the live update thing. AEPROJECTPROPS>Cross-References>Real-Time Signal and Cross Referencing. I never have to use the command AEUPDATESIGREF. I tend to use AEREBUILDDB a lot, and anytime I have to make changes to sources/destinations, I rebuild the database before and after. I'm not sure that it does anything super special, but it keeps the xdata associated to the signals cleaned up and that's why I do it.
Be aware that if you turn on real-time signal and cross-referencing, that certain commands will then do things you haven't seen them do before. Anything you do that forces a change to something on another drawing - like changing a source's wire number, or swapping a contact from NO to NC, will make ACADE immediately update the linked component, whether it's a wire tied to a source, or a child tied to a parent, etc. Sometimes it will temporarily open a new drawing to do this. Just let it do its thing. Trying to input commands while it does this can cause ACADE to hang up because it's still paying attention to the command line while it's running the script that controls the real-time updating. But, this is preferable to me than trying to remember on my own to pay attention to the task list and executing it.
As for fixed wire numbers, if you need to use them on a wire that has sources/destinations, I would always place the original fixed wire number near the source arrow. From there, use the Wire Number Copy command to show the wire number at its destination(s).
The color for the fixed wire number is dependent on the settings you have applied to the layer WIREFIXED. When you make a wire number fixed, ACADE switches it from its original layer to this one. So, if the color of a fixed wire number isn't to your liking, you can change it in the layer settings and each fixed wire number will be that color. Personally, I like the color change because it allows me to know without having to click on a component, whether or not it's got a fixed tag, and same for wires.
If you want to change the size or position of the attributes in the sources and destinations, you'll have to make edits to their blocks. Remember that if you do this, you'll need to either A) use the Swap/Update Block command on the existing symbols, or B) delete the symbols, use PURGE to remove them from the drawing database, and then re-insert. I've never used Swap/Update on a signal arrow, so I can't tell you how well those symbols behave with that command.

Jim Seefeldt
Electrical Engineering Technician